A short, short story


The day I met Donald Trump Jr, and the story he told me. 

So not that long ago, I was at an airport, my flight had been delayed and so I went to the bar for a drink, it was fairly crowded as a lot of flights had suffered the same thing.

I’d ordered a drink, sat at the bar and after a few minutes some guy tapped me on the shoulder and said, is this seat taken, pointing to a bar stool next to me, I offered him the seat and he said thanks and ordered a drink. We began chatting and after a while he said “ you don’t know who I am, do you? I said “I’m afraid I don’t”, he told me he was Donald Trumps eldest son. I sort of went, oh ok, not really recognizing him.

We talked for a while, idle chit chat, avoiding the obvious subject as best as possible. After a few drinks, he looked around him and he said, hey can you keep a secret?

I thought, sure. So I nodded

Now the story he told me I will have to preface with the word “allegedly” as the last thing I would want to do is say anything untoward or unseemly against the President of the United States.

So Trump Jr was really knocking back the drinks, and felt loosened up enough to tell me his ‘secret’ story, which turned out to be about one of his Dads predilections.

He started by saying “you know that thing he does with his hands when he speaks”


I nodded and did an impression of his Dads hand gestures, Trump Jr, gurgled “that’s it!” “Well there’s a story behind that particular idiosyncrasy.”

He said, “first of all, Dad takes a jar of peanut butter….” I felt nervous and felt the need to interrupt, and I said “smooth or crunchy!”

“Crunchy”, he spat back, he said “Dad experimented with both and crunchy was the clear winner, clear winner by far.”

“And what he likes to do he said……you won’t tell anyone about this will you?”

I shook my head

He continued “what he likes to do is take off all his clothes, except for that red tie, you know the one…..”

I nodded, genuinely fearful now, yet intrigued.

Then he likes to kneel on the floor with his legs apart (allegedly, I’d like to add) and he smears his balls with peanut butter………(he paused)……..and…(after another pause he said) …”he slathers it on his little cock too”

I have say at this point that he may not have thrown ‘little’ in there, I can’t recall all the details. He had attempted a ‘Sotto Voce” and whispered that part, as 2 men talking about cock at a bar, clearly unsettled him.

Anyway, bottom line, the President of the United States is sitting there naked but for a red tie and his genitals covered in a generous slathering of crunchy (not smooth) peanut butter…..that much has been established.

We never really got a chance to discuss how he empirically came to the conclusion that the crunchy peanut butter was the superior form, but as you will see, it’s a largely irrelevant portion of Donald Trump Jr’s narrative.

This was when he leaned in to me, “no one right? You’ll tell no one.”

I nodded, wishing for a flight announcement to save me………nothing……………but it felt too late to make an excuse now.

He continued, “ so then he has this little dog come in the room, that hasn’t eaten all day and (I can’t remember the breed of dog, but it was one of those small ones) “so the dog likes to lick the peanut butter off the President of the United States balls and…….

He paused, looked around, then whispered quite loudly.

“…..and his cock!”

I nodded, as if to say “ok nothing wrong so far”

In my mind I had a Jason Bourne thing happening, checking ever exit…..

And he continues, “now,” he said, “Dads Hands”……………………………..he paused………….”‘ and made the hand gestures 👌👌

“So what he likes is for 2 short men to stand behind him…..”

I blurted out “midgets?” Then felt ashamed that, that may not be the politically correct thing to say… so I just said “sorry, continue”

Donald Jr was largely displeased about being interrupted and after an admonishing glance, he continued.

“So he likes 2 short men to stand behind him, Now they are naked too, and Dad likes to jerk them off using the hand gestures you see on the news, all the while getting his cock and balls licked (he had dispensed with whispering and leaning in towards me by now) by a small dog.

“As Dad is so competitive he makes little bets with himself about, who will cum first the guy on his right, or the guy on the left, how far it will shoot, and as a bonus, if it can happen before the dog has licked his balls….”

“And cock?” I chirped in (I wanted to demonstrate my active listening skills)

“Yes, And cock, completely clean of crunchy (not smooth) peanut butter. It’s just something he does”. There was no moral to this story, none that I could see, and Jr concluded, “I know you’ll never look at his hand gestures again on the TV without thinking that it’s his method for jerking off midgets, whilst having his testicles and cock licked by a small dog“

In my mind I was thinking “I think they prefer being called small people, or something like that,  I’m sure I heard somewhere that midget is sort of an insult” but it seemed a moot point at the time.

There was an uncomfortable silence……………………..he looked at his drink, swirling the remaining dregs.

Eventually, all I could think of to say was “what’s the dogs name?”

Now come to think of it, looking back at that day, I think it was about this time that I realized this guy was not actually Donald Trump Jr, so in a sense it’s very fortunate that I’d prefaced everything with “allegedly”. In a way, I probably didn’t need to share any of that story, as I may have painted the President of the United States in a bad light. But honestly, at the time, I thought it was feasible. Hopefully, I like to think that his ego is in check, and that there’s no possible way for him to be offended by the mistaken thought that he likes to cover his genitals in crunchy (NOT SMOOTH) peanut butter and have a dog lick it off, whilst he masterbates two ‘little people’ standing behind him.

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